Thoughts on Regret

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard

I recently was introduced to an interesting Canadian TV show that is focused on the regrets that we have in our lives. The story centers on a character who has the opportunity to relive various times in her life that she regrets as a 32 year old living life in Toronto. Invariably she goes back to relive the regret, only to find herself making the same mistakes she did initially or in her attempts to make things better, she actually makes them worse; much worse in some cases. And yet.. on those times when she just allows herself to learn from the past, she gains tremendous insight into herself. Into her story, and sometimes into the stories of the characters around her. Our past influences our life in powerful ways. It is different to live in regret than to learn from those things that we regret, to somehow embrace the regret rather than being defined by those things that we are not proud of.

I have always loved the idea of time travel. What fun it would be to peek into the early lives of my parents? How interesting to see the story of my grandparents first-hand? And yes, there are times when I wonder what it would be like to do things differently..

It seems like we all have various regrets in our life. I know that I certainly do, what if I had stayed with my college education without interruption? Would I be further along in my career? Or have I learned deep lessons from my stops and starts, that bring compassion to my teaching that I may not have otherwise? What about the people whom I have met? Yes, some have broken my heart, some I have disappointed, some have left this life in tragic ways. Yet each one has impacted my story in ways that I am sure that I do not fully understand.

As I watch my daughter move into middle school, I so want to save her from making any mistakes. Okay, maybe I will let her make "little" mistakes that build character. You know, getting a low grade on a report card so that she can learn the value of studying.. Trying out for a sports team that may stretch her in uncomfortable ways.

What about those life defining times that can be experienced as regret? I so what her to live a life where she can stand tall as a woman, embrace the future with hope, fall down and stand back up again.

I wish that life did not include pain. I do... I wish that teenage daughters did not struggle to connect with their mothers, I wish that chemicals did not try to destroy the lives of creative sons, I wish that mothers were all able to confidently raise their children, I wish that families did not have to chose between paying for rent and buying food. And yet, this is the world around us. The world that my 12 year old is coming of age in.

And you know what? I cannot save her from all of the mistakes that come ahead. I cannot protect her heart from heartbreak. I can only hold her, and point her to the One who fully understands her heart and knows her future. The One who knows my fear and my hope. The One who has created this lovely story that continues to enfold us everyday.

Today is the first day of Advent. We focus today on Hope. Christ is hope in the midst of darkness. "The essence of Advent is to anticipate Christ." (Heather Thomas Imago Dei) In a very real way, this Rite of Passage in Paige's life echoes Advent. As she moves into a new stage in her life, she can have confidence because Christ has come. There will be dark times in our journey where that will be hard to see, but the light will always be there.

It has been such a blessing in our family to experience the rhythms of Advent and Lent. I love the reminder each year of God's faithfulness.

I hope that you find yourself refreshed by His Hope today.

Blessings,